The Late Night Excitation
by xLostInTheSun
Summary: Saying that Leonard had been in a lot of awkward situations would have been an understatement – but nothing could have prepared him to the awkwardness that was hearing those... sounds coming from his roommate's room. !When the Shamy gets dirty and loud, there's only one thing poor Leonard can do – suffer in silence.


**A/N: Can't really explain this one. Actually I can, but not now.**

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Saying that Leonard had been in a lot of awkward situations would have been an understatement – his whole life had been a succession of "I wish I could dig a hole and hide there" moments. He was used to his daily life trying to make him feel ill at ease and even downright mortified at times and both shame and second-hand embarrassment were two feelings he knew all too well.

But none of the awkward moments he had lived up until that day could have prepared him for _that_. There laying in his bed well over after 10 p.m., the time he had tried to scare Penny's friend from university away and she'd caught him, the few weeks everyone at Caltech had called him a "herwhore" ("I came up with it," had said Howard. "Hero and whore, because you sell your body to get us money.") or even the first time his mother had walked in on him masturbating seemed all long gone by now, all replaced by the voices coming from his roommate's room.

"It's so beautiful, Sheldon," Amy had said, and Leonard hadn't paid much attention at first, thinking Sheldon had been showing her one of those weird things the two of them loved so much, but then she had added "I hope you don't mind me watching – I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable..."

Sheldon had then cleared his throat and answered "No, I do not mind" and a couple of seconds later he had started... groaning.

Leonard prided himself in having a mind not as far down the gutter as Howard's, but the only thing that could have been happening was that _Amy was watching Sheldon masturbate._

That was way too much information to process all at once. First – _Sheldon knew how to masturbate_. Leonard had always known that deep down, Sheldon was a red-blooded man, but he would have bet his house that Sheldon had no idea how to deal with these _emotions_ – good thing Leonard didn't have a house. And then... _Amy was actually there_. Sheldon knew how to deal with erections, and Amy was there to _watch_. Nothing had ever felt both so wonderful, in a very weird, twisted "they finally found how it works!" way, and so awkward, in a very painful, mortifying "I don't want to listen to that!"

But as Leonard had learnt over the years – when something is awkward, it'll only ever get more awkard.

"I'm almost there, Amy," Sheldon grunted, and Amy blurted out "Can I try?"

_Oh Lord._

Leonard suddenly understood all the times Sheldon had been annoyed at his loud nights with Penny – there was definitely nothing more awkward and profoundly disturbing than just _laying there listening to your best friend and his girlfriend touching each other_.

When Sheldon didn't answer for about ten seconds, Amy precipitally added "Gosh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to -"

"Are you sure?"

Sheldon's voice had been firm and Leonard could have sworn he heard Amy take a sharp breath.

"I... Yes, I'd like to try."

"Very well."

There was shuffling on the bed in the next room – what were Sheldon's sheets made of that they suddenly were so loud ? – and about ten seconds later, he heard Amy hum. A light melody, passing through her lips to nest somewhere on Sheldon's body. That was so wrong on so many levels.

"Oh boy, you're good!" Sheldon exclaimed in an impressed moan

Leonard didn't need to be in their room to know that Amy had turned bright red.

"Oh gosh, thank you, I... This is my first time and..."

"Amy wait you –"

They suddenly stopped talking, humming or moaning, and Leonard knew something had gone wrong.

"I'm sorry Sheldon, I just thought –"

"I'm going to show you how it's done, and now you should better take notes."

Sheldon started groaning again for almost two minutes, during which Leonard realised he could never look his roommate in the eyes ever again... not to mention Amy. And then, suddenly, the only thing that could have made things worse happened.

"Almost there... almost there... OH BOY YES! YES! YES! FINALLY! MARVELLOUS! MAGNIFICENT! TREMENDOUS! SPECTACULAR!"

Sheldon was as big a show off orgasming as he was in his everyday life. This weirdly, fleetingly made Leonard feel somewhat better – at least, some things would always be there to let you know you hadn't fallen into an alternate universe – until the reality of the situation dawned on him: _Sheldon Cooper had just orgasmed._

Amy said something, but Leonard could only discern the first word, for there were suddenly frantic knocks on his bedroom door. Sighing loudly – he could definitely not catch a break, could he? – he got up and marched to his door, finding his own girlfriend there upon opening it.

"Please tell me I didn't hear what I just heard?" she asked without even enquiring about him.

"I think you heard it as well as I did. Wait, no, you didn't, because it's not your room that's just next to his."

Penny rolled her eyes. "Trust me, I heard him well enough from my own room in another apartment! I'm guessing they even heard him in Australia!"

Leonard grimaced. "Sheldon Cooper is a screamer. Strangely fitting with everything we know about him."

Penny was about to answer when suddenly, Sheldon's bedroom door opened and Amy came out, closing the door behind her. She didn't seem much different, but Leonard couldn't help feeling really uncomfortable.

"OH MY GOD" Penny shouted, running to her bestie excitedly. Turning to Leonard, she added "I didn't know he wasn't alone! Leonard why didn't you tell me?"

"I –" Leonard started, but Penny cut him.

"I don't care! I want to know everything about the Shamy Sex!"

Amy's eyes, which had been like saucers as Penny had startled her, suddenly narrowed down and she said "The _Shamy Sex_?"

"Oh come on!" Penny exclaimed. "All of Pasadena has heard your boyfriend come!"

"We weren't having coitus, Penny," Amy said, and now that they were down the rabbit hole, Leonard intervened "I could infer that she watched him masturbating from what they were... saying." And grunting. And humming.

"We were not –"

Suddenly Sheldon's door opened again to reveal a fully clothed Sheldon.

"Amy, if you've done your business in the bathroom already, we can go on to the next level."

Leonard couldn't help but snort. "You laughed at me and my "basic urges" all these years, but look at you. You're no better. You just wanked yourself raw but you already want more from your girlfriend."

But instead of launching himself in one of the unbelievable explanations Leonard would have expected him to give ("_I'm a Homo Novus, Leonard. Things are different for me."_), Sheldon simply frowned.

"What on earth are you talking about? I just showed Amy how to play Candy Crush, because she had never played it before. I guess she was a lucky charm, too, because after she nearly butchered the level, I finally could complete it after two weeks of relentless efforts."

Sheldon's words slowly sunk into Leonard's mind. He had just had the ten most awkward minutes of his life listening to his best friend playing a _video game. _Without adding anything, he turned over back into his room, slamming the door behind him.

"So... errr... guess you finally got that Level 125 bitch, eh?" he heard Penny comment awkwardly. "Right. I... I'm going to go back to bed."

Leonard could hear her footsteps, and, a few seconds later, the entrance door to their apartment shut close behind her. He then shouted towards the couple still standing in the hallway that they kept their enthusiasm to themselves next time they passed a level, and memories of the most awkward moments he'd ever been through swirling around in his head, he finally managed to fall asleep.

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**A/N: Yeah. Not proud of this. But Level 125 has been eating me alive for over six days. I do intend to scream as loud as Sheldon when I finally get it right.**


End file.
